My capacity to write anything substantial has been stalled for over a year now. I've fed myself many excuses (and at some point I’ll get into what I think might be the primary culprit, but not today) and none of them were good. This morning I was listening to an interview with Seth Godin and he mentioned that daily writing has been a life-changing practice for him, which clicked for me: maybe it’s time to start a new way of doing this. Until now, my writing process (if one could even call it that) has been triggered by forming some connection with a patient, and then reflecting on it/writing it down (those are usually simultaneous for me), then editing it and posting it somewhere. I try to keep in the fore of my mind that I’m dealing with something really sacred: the details of peoples' lives, often at a delicate point in their stories, and that demands a measure of precision. I hope I’ve guarded that well.
My job is much different now than it was as a fellow: the days I’m on service are usually busy on the inpatient service, and I’m typically writing notes until I go to bed. I haven’t been able to cordon off the time it takes to process something and put it together. On the days I’m not working, I’ve been trying to commit most of my time to my family who, as they age, are increasingly cognizant of our time away from each other.
So I figure, I can probably manage a some time most days, just bits of writing, with or without profundity. I miss the catharsis of it. I heard Brené Brown comment on the discomfort of unspent creative energy (my paraphrase), and it made me recognize I sort of need to do this: to work through the growth moments of this job and feel some connection outside of it.
So that’ll be the plan. It will be fun to see what falls out. This week I’m going on vacation and I hope that’ll give me a good opportunity to make it stick.
First, I need to get through Friday.
Evening update: One of the best Fridays I’ve ever had at work. Things flowed well and my team of residents and med student is strong. Plus, one of my interns made cinnamon/sugar/magic-covered donuts that must have been healthy because he billed them as muffins. No 4:55 PM acute leukemias.
Off to vacation.
See you tomorrow.